On the passing of my mother
Sunday night, around 9pm, my mother passed away. She had a “moderate” stroke back in October of 2024 and required 24x7 care in a long-term care facility since then.
I visited her twice on Sunday after getting a call from the staff at the facility that things were headed in a bad direction. She was very weak and not aware that I was there. It was a terrible end to a long state of decline.
My mom was a very strong, independent woman who held her independence fiercely. She had to raise three kids by herself after my father passed away when I was very young. She worked her way toward a college degree. She was hell-bent on staying in her house until the end but the stroke changed those plans.
Prior to the stroke she was sharp as a tack even in her late 80s. She was a voracious reader, enjoyed different types of word puzzles, and loved playing Scrabble with her friends and my kids as they grew up.
She was such an important part of my kids’ lives as they were growing up starting with being in the nursery with my daughter moments after she was born. She adored her grandkids and spent as much time with them as she could. She lived to see my daughter graduate from college and my son from high school. They were the lights of her life.
After the stroke she was struck with aphasia which made communication very difficult. She was still able to speak but many times would repeat words that were said to her, not be able to respond at all, etc. Her personality was still there but all of the things she loved were now foreign. She didn’t want to read. She didn’t watch TV. She did still like to play Mahjong on her iPad and was actually still able to do that very well.
It was very, very difficult to watch the decline. I suppose the only saving grace of the whole experience was that we, as a family, were prepared for when she passed. I will miss her greatly but I’m also happy that her suffering is finally over. She always talked about wanting quality of life and the last couple of years were not quality life at all.
I’m stuck in this weird state where I know she’s gone but not fully believing it even though I just lived through the slow descent to the end of her life. I know this will pass, and I’ve got many good memories to keep me going, but it still is very strange. It’s not sadness, but the feeling of having someone there for so long who is suddenly just gone. It just shows how quickly life can change. Nothing is certain.
My mom was never afraid of anyone or anything. Sure she worried (hell of a worrier too, I learned from the best) but she never let any of that stop her. She got over it and moved forward. I am going to do the same thing, get over my fears, be myself, and be proud of who I am because I was raised to be a good person by a strong woman. I am not going to hide anymore. She wouldn’t have and she wouldn’t want me to either.
